


Kick Me

by casketdream



Series: fake chop [2]
Category: Cow Chop, The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Chap 2 is nice and not nice, Fake Chop, Hurt/Comfort, It gets happier dont let the warnings fool u, M/M, and blood, and other shit, chap 1 is straight Not Nice, trigger warning for implied rape/non con, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casketdream/pseuds/casketdream
Summary: yell at me on tumblr @amanduh-hess





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on tumblr @amanduh-hess

_“We’re gonna have so much fun with you.” The gruff voice muttered from behind him, hands moving to tighten the zip tie. Aleks knew how to get out of these, he held the record in his crew for breaking out of these the fastest but something told him that even if he broke out, they would get him right back into them._

_“Fuck you,” He spat back, his words confident despite the pain from the ties digging into his wrists and the blindfold covering his eyes. “If you lay a hand on me, my crew will skin you alive.”_

_“Your crew don’t even know you’re gone. You’re ours now.”_

_The warm body left from behind him, almost immediately being replaced by a wave of bone-chillingly cold water. It filled his mouth, filled his nose, and Aleks was choking. He felt the numbness settle in, starting at his head and spreading down to his feet. His body was shaking, trying hard to curl in on itself just to preserve any amount of warmth but he forced himself to stay up straight. His clothes felt heavy, weighing him down and sticking to his skin like leeches._

_He could deal with it though, he had been through much worse than a bit of cold water but when they gripped his hair and shoved his head down into what he assumed was a bucket of water, that was when he panicked. The water stung his eyes, the blindfold having no protection to it and he was sure they had mixed something into this because normal water did_ not _hurt like this. The pain from the water and the panic of drowning was almost too much to bare._

_The two men left him, snickers leaving their mouth as Aleks shook violently, his teeth chattering so much he thought they would shatter. He huddled in on himself, taking off the blindfold by frantically rubbing his head against his shoulder before he moved to the corner of the room and sat down._

_His crew would come for him. That, he was sure of._

\---

James tried to stop his leg from bouncing up and down as his eyes darted from the computer monitor in front of him to the entrance of the fake chop warehouse. He noticed as Jakob looked at him in sympathy and on any other day, he would curse himself out for looking like such a lovesick puppy, but today wasn’t just any other day. Aleks was supposed to be back from his mission. In fact, he was supposed to have been back from his mission for a whole day by now.

He knew Aleks was capable of looking after himself, he had seen some of the shit the younger man had been through and knew for a fact that he could handle much more than a small mission on his own. It was no secret that James cared for Aleks more than any typical friend would, they didn’t exactly talk about it, but neither of them did much to hide it. They had stuck with each other for almost 6 years, done pretty much every mission together in that time, so seeing him go alone was something he didn’t know how to handle.

The door opened and James sat up in his seat slightly, anticipating the sight of a smug Aleksandr walking through the doorway, but he was only greeted by the sight of Brett. Disappointment was soon replaced with anger and he got up to his feet, rushing over to Brett and not hesitating before he spat his words out.

“You said Aleks was only meant to be gone for three fucking days, Brett. It’s been four days since he left and one whole day since he last touched base with any of us.” He had to look up at Brett slightly, lessening the degree of his intimidation but he brushed that fact away.

“I don’t know, James. He probably took a detour and went to visit FakeHaus. Maybe he’s gone to see the Sugar Pine boys, you know how much he loves being around them.” Brett spoke with such a casual tone, as if one of his own crew members wasn’t possibly missing. “You’re just being paranoid. Aleks is fine.”

James nodded; not in agreement, but in acknowledgment that Brett was being much too optimistic to even try having this conversation with. James could sense that something was wrong, he could feel it settle in his stomach and it made his skin crawl to even consider that anything could happen to Aleks and he would have no way of finding out what it was.

“Anyway, we should get in touch with some of our clients in downtown Los Santos. Apparently, there was a fuck up in the delivery and-.”

“Guys, Aleks’ car was found in a wreck.” Anna walked in, her voice even and calculated as she carefully watched James’ expression. “There’s no bodies, none in either vehicle, but Aleks’ dashcam footage shows someone dragging him out of his car.”

James’ head snapped over to look at her. He almost wanted to yell at her, tell Anna that she shouldn’t joke about shit like this, especially since she knew better than anyone how he was feeling. They had a mutual support system for each other ever since her boyfriend had been taken when she first joined the crew. They found him almost immediately, the idiot that took him was a rookie who had been working alone and James didn’t even think twice before sending a bullet through his head for putting Anna through that amount of grief. She was like his little sister and he was her older brother.

“Aleks is fine, yeah?” James’ eyes glossed over with what he would deny were tears. He wasn’t sure if it was from anger or sadness. Sadness was an emotion he hadn’t felt for a while, so he couldn’t exactly be sure. He simply scoffed when Brett refused to make eye contact with him, pushing past him to go make some calls.

\---

A yawn escaped Aleks’ mouth, his eyes drooping slightly from exhaustion, but he was so close to home that pulling over to rest wasn’t an option. The mission had been successful, only one minor hiccup that resulted in him having to stitch up a gash on his thigh but, other than that, everything was fine. He had the money and his life and that’s all he could really hope for at the end of a mission.

He contemplated sending James a message to let him know where he was, his finger tapping over the phone in his jean pocket. Before he could, the light turned green, allowing him to keep driving. He pushed down on the gas pedal, his car easing forward. Aleks was always a pretty careful driver, getting into accidents was too much hassle for him so he only ever drove carelessly when he wanted to make James or Brett mad or when he was driving away from an opposing gang. He made it to the middle of the intersection.

It was so sudden Aleks didn’t even know what was going on until his car had stopped skidding across the road and he was being violently pulled out of it. He caught a single glimpse of his completely wrecked vehicle, a second unknown one being added to the mix too, before his sight was taken from him and he was thrown into what he assumed was a van. He opened his mouth to scream out, yell any form of obscenity that he could but was soon stopped by a damp rag being shoved into his mouth and a rough hand holding it there. A chemically sweet smell filled his senses and he knew what the rag was soaked in.

His body acted before his mind even had a chance, twisting and struggling against the hold on him and he knew he probably looked pathetic but all he could do was try and get away before the chloroform took its effect on his body. Aleks’ joints were aching, having just been t-boned had left him with some injuries that left his movements weaker than they usually would be. He didn’t know if his eyes were open or closed but he could feel a weight on his eyelids, forcing them to shut or maybe even stay shut, he simply _didn’t know_ what was going on.

He felt a wave of lethargy fall over him, blanketing over his mind and making him drift into unconsciousness.

\---

“No, we don’t know where Aleks is. We haven’t seen him since he was trying to start something at that gala almost a year ago.” Jordan sounded tired. He superfluously ruffled with some papers in the background and James ground his teeth to stop himself from yelling at Jordan to knock it off.

“Well, explain to me how he’s mysteriously just disappeared off the face of the Earth then?”

“I don’t know, James. He isn’t our problem anymore. You aren’t, either.” Jordan said, flippantly. James scoffed in disbelief.

“What, so that’s just it then? We leave your poor excuse of a crew and suddenly we just don’t fucking matter? Is that how you treat Seamus? Or what about Kevin and Sly? If any of them were taken, would you act like such an arrogant asshole?” He was yelling, voice echoing through the warehouse. It was silent for a moment.

“Wait,” Jordan’s voice wobbled slightly. “Do you know about, about Sly?”

“Know what about Sly? Stop being so fucking cryptic, Jordan.” James rolled his eyes.

“N-nothing.” James squinted his eyes at Jordan’s stutter but didn’t comment on it. Jordan cleared his voice before speaking again. “I don’t know anything about Aleks being taken, James.”  

The connection was cut before James could even open his mouth. He refrained from throwing the phone against the wall, knowing that Brett wouldn’t replace it for the fourth time that month. Instead, he opened the messaging app, telling Asher to look through the Hub’s files and find anything about Eddie in the last two years.

He received a quick response, a simple message telling him to open his emails and there he found one from Asher. It contained seven documents and he went for the most recent one, dated back to June of 2016. As his eyes scanned down the page he felt himself start to despise Jordan even more than he already did.

\---

Aleks couldn’t even tell you how many people he’s killed. At first, he would always defend his actions with the cliché line that he was ‘doing it to survive’ and that wasn’t a lie. The first time he killed someone was because they were coming at him with a knife, they were preying on an innocent boy and his instincts kicked in, telling him to run away or fight and before he knew it he was standing over a slow breathing body with bloody hands and he bolted from the alleyway. He remembers the way he shook from adrenaline, remembers the way he saw the life leave the bright blue eyes of the man and he vividly remembers the way that he wasn’t scared of what he had done. That was his introduction to this life, the way his first crew found him, they intended to kill him for murdering one of their own but they reconsidered and allowed him in to join them. He soon made his way up the ranks, used any means necessary to gain respect even if it meant being treated with disrespect behind the closed doors of the boss’ bedroom.  

After that, each kill is just a blur. Just another number to his bank account and another mess he didn’t have to clean up. He wasn’t proud of what he did, he would never even lie about that, but he wasn’t willing to stop doing what was necessary in order to protect himself and his crew. He wondered if this was what it was like to die. Maybe he already is dead, maybe he died in the car crash and this was his punishment for everything he’s done in his life. His own personal purgatory, maybe even his own personal hell. He wasn’t too sure what this was but God was definitely having a field day with him. He never believed in God, thought it was pointless to do so, but Aleks had to admit that he was one sick bastard to have orchestrated this whole thing.

The door opened and Aleks was too tired to even try and brace himself for what could be coming this time. He was sure his lungs would give out if they tried any more forms of water torture. He was also sure that his body had gone close to numb because of how much pain they inflict on him. He fluttered his eyes open, forcing himself to keep his sights glued to whoever was entering the room.

“Wakey, wakey! We have a really nice surprise for you today.” One of the two men said, cheerfully. Aleks had never caught either of their names, nor did he really want to at this point. When Aleks didn’t react to his words, an ugly snarl made its way onto his captors face. “I _said_ , we have a surprise for you. You ungrateful shit.”

All Aleks did was raise his eyebrow, which only served to piss the other man off even more. Aleks was almost grateful when the door opened again but that was a fleeting gratitude, immediately replaced with panic when he saw Eddie get pushed into the room. Eddie fell onto the floor instantly, not being able to support himself and Aleks instantly identified why. On his right thigh was a bloodied bandage and Aleks wasn’t sure if he was seeing things but he could have sworn there was a clear indent in the muscle. Despite wearing clothes, Eddie was almost naked. His jeans torn to complete shreds, showing off countless amounts of scars, all different shapes and sizes but the one thing they had in common was that they were _deep_ and he wondered if they had bothered to stitch him up at all. His shirt, a once baby blue material, was tattered - turned rusty from old blood stains and had a few spots of red signifying that he had some new wounds.

Eddie groaned, lifting himself up weakly and Aleks turned to look back down at the floor, not even being able to look at his face because it hurt so much.

“Oh, what’s this?” The man laughed. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Aleks growled, looking directly in his eyes as he said it. The man’s smile simply widened, turning almost maniacal. Aleks grit his teeth, his glare never fading. He could barely see through his rage.

“Oh, Aleksandr. You really do never learn. Look at you, getting so emotional over your pathetic little boyfriend.” He tutted, walking closer to Aleks and bending down to his level. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I can see why you were with him, he doesn’t even put up a fight. Just lets us do whatever we want. Why don’t you try him out once more, for old time’s sake?”

Aleks spat on his face, a wad of saliva hitting his cheek and sliding down to the floor. The man chuckled, standing up before reeling his leg back and harshly kicking Aleks in the ribs. He cried out, screwing his eyes shut and gasping for air. His ribs ached, he was sure they had broken more than a few of them and every time he moved could feel the bones displace themselves.

“We made you some food.” He spoke casually, as if he didn’t just knock the wind out of someone. “Are you hungry?”

Aleks didn’t reply. He hadn’t eaten since before he was taken and he would take anything at this point. The second man entered the room, a plate in one hand and a chair in the other. He dragged the chair on the floor, the grating sound of metal against concrete making Aleks cringe. He dropped the plate onto the table left from Aleks’ last round of water torture and placed the chair in its respective place.

“Come on then, boy. Dinner’s ready.” He called out and Aleks couldn’t help but compare this situation to a dog being called by it’s master. He winced as it reminded him of Mishka and that was yet another thing ruined. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to feed Mishka or even Ein now.

Aleks stood up, barely making it three steps before his knees gave out and his ribs flared up in pain and he settled for pathetically crawling to the table, hauling himself up onto the chair. As soon as he looked at the plate he knew whatever was on it isn’t food any human should eat. It looked like beef, like any red meat he’s had before, but the smell threw him off. His stomach growled loudly at the smell and Aleks flushed in embarrassment, his body feeling too hot under the three pairs of eyes glued to him. Briefly, he wondered why Sly was here, wracked his brain for why they would drag him into the room to witness this specific act but one more glance at the bandage on his leg, at the indent in his thigh, made everything clear.

“N-no, no.” He repeated the words, stumbling over them despite only being one syllable.

“He’s a smart one, isn’t he?” They both laughed.

“D-Don’t eat it, ‘Leks.” Eddie’s wrecked voice whispered out. Their eyes met across the table. “It-It’s no-”

Eddie’s words were cut short by the sound of a gun being cocked. Aleks watched as he was brought to his knees, his posture slouched in what would usually be incredibly uncomfortable and would put a strain on anyone’s spine but Eddie had clearly no issues sitting like that. He kneeled in front of him, across the table, and had no issues with being so close to his own cooked body part.

“I’m sorry, Sly. I'm so sorry.” Aleks sobbed, his words broken and shaking. He didn’t try and stop his cries, didn’t care that his nose was filled with snot and he could barely breathe because that worked in his favour and now he could barely smell the scent of the cooked meat in front of him. “I have to. I'm not letting them kill you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Eddie watched through lidded eyes as Aleks moved his shaky hands to pick up a piece of his flesh from the plate. Before his trembling fingers even made contact with it, the man holding a gun to his temple removed it and fired a shot at the wall behind Aleks. His immediate reaction was to cover his head but didn’t get a chance to. A hand placed itself on the back of his head, roughly pushing his face down closer to the plate and he gagged at how the smell immediately invaded his nose. The hand left, instead moving to force his arms behind the chair and once again tying them up.

“Eat it like the fucking _bitch_ you are.”

Aleks sobbed once more, his salty tears falling from his cheeks to the plate below him. He took in a deep breath, pushing out the fact that he was about to eat a part of his former friend, and leaned down. He picked up a piece, biting through the tender meat and curling his toes with disgust. Aleks’ legs shook, bouncing up and down in an attempt to distract himself or to just give him something to do other than focusing on the meat, on the _human_ meat, in his mouth. He swallowed, a loud yell of anger and pure despair leaving his mouth as soon as he did so and he shook himself out of his nausea.

 _‘It’s just meat, Aleks. Just any other meat.’_ Aleks thought to himself. _‘If you don’t do this, Sly fucking dies, stop being a pussy.’_

He didn’t even think about anything else, he just kept his head down and picked up another piece of meat, chewing it a few times and swallowing it. He could taste bile rising up his throat and into his mouth but he just turned his head to the side and spat it out before continuing his cycle. Aleks could hear the men laughing, the sounds reverberating around the room and he knew without a doubt that he would hear those laughs haunt him for months, _years_ even. He looked at his place, seeing only one piece left and he closed his eyes and ate it, barely chewing more than four times before swallowing it.

“Good boy.” The man holding the gun praised, a look passing over his face that made Aleks’ skin crawl and struck fear through him. “It’s a shame it was all for nothing.”

Aleks heard the gunshot and felt blood splatter on his face before he saw Eddie’s body slump to the floor. He screamed out, both anger and grief filling his voice and his sobs were the most guttural sounds. He screamed every curse word he could think of and he lashed out at the man who untied his hands, swinging his fists wildly at him but it was all in vain. He was too weak, too disorientated from grief and exhaustion to even deliver a single hit and he knew he looked pathetic. All he got in reply to his rage was an elated laugh before they left him.

They left him with the dead body of his former best friend and the taste of his body in his mouth and there was nothing he could do about it but cry and scream and throw the plate against the wall, watching it shatter and hearing the pieces fall to the floor. After that, there was nothing, no sounds except his heavy breathing. He was convinced he was going insane.

\---

Aleks was packing a small backpack full of clothes and personal items. He didn’t need a lot, he was only leaving for a few days, but he still liked having enough clothes to last him the entirety of the trip and then some. He was running through a mental checklist of everything he needed before he caught a glimpse of James standing in his doorframe.

“Came to say goodbye to me, then?” Aleks smirked over at him.

“Nah, just wanted to make sure your dumbass didn’t forget this.” James said, throwing over a non-traceable phone that Asher had set up for this mission. James pushed off the frame of Aleks’ door, walking over to him.

They stood in silence, staring at each other before Aleks pushed forward to connect their lips in a slow kiss. They didn’t kiss very often, it wasn’t their style to be so affectionate outside of their sexual endeavours but James knew that out of all moments that Aleks needed the reassurance, this was the direst one. Aleks’ hands found their way up James’ body, one settling on the side of his face while the other moved up to tangle his fingers into James’ long hair. He pushed his body forward, needing to be as close to the other man as he possibly could before he left. James’ hands gripped the slim man’s waist, staying on the outside of his clothes and rubbing small circles into his shirt with his thumbs. They pulled apart, panting slightly.

“Just promise that you won’t forget about me.” Aleks said, a smirk on his face as he tried to play off his words as a joke but they came out as a quiet plea.

James opened his mouth, a quick, witty reply on the tip of his tongue but one look into Aleks’ eyes and he held it back. He could see Aleks’ emotions so openly in the dim light of his bedroom, could see the fear and panic swirled in his deep brown eyes and he would rather have someone torture him than ever see those emotions in the younger man’s eyes.

“I promise.” James said, so quietly he couldn’t even be sure that he had actually muttered out the words but Aleks had heard.

Aleks’ lips quivered up in a watery smile, neither of them saying another word as he picked up his bag and walked out of his house.

\---

_“I promise.”_

The only time Aleks could really escape from his current situation was through the last encounter he had with James. Had he known what was going to happen, he would’ve never left the dimly lit bedroom. Would have never walked out of his house without even a second glance back at James because he was _so sure_ that everything would be fine. Aleks never understood when people said hindsight was 20/20, it’s funny how quickly things change though.

He was brought back to the present when he heard the unmistakable sound of a belt unbuckling, followed by someone unzipping their jeans and he knew what was going to happen. He had heard those sounds thousands of times, but they were always in a completely different setting to the one he was currently in. The taste of his once best friend still lingered in his mouth, mixed with bile and his own blood and he knew that soon it would be replaced by something just as foul.

“Wait, what the fuck are you doing?” One of the men said, a hint of hesitance to his voice. “Boss didn’t say we should do that.”

“So what? We might as well have some fun with him.” Aleks could _hear_ the smirk on the other man’s face and it sent a chill through his body. The next time he spoke, his voice was considerably closer to Aleks. “A pretty thing like him only has one use, why do you think Nova has kept him around for so long?”

Aleks’ eyes screwed shut, refusing to believe that James only kept him because of their more intimate moments. He was more than that, right? James moved to California with him, left the Hub with him and they took care of each other for years. Sticking together had to have been more than just a result of something as miniscule as a physicality, at least, it was on Aleks’ side. He was just coming to realise that he had no idea how James truly felt and, even if he did, humans are notorious for being manipulative liars. No one was exempt from that rule, especially no one in the same business as Aleks was. He didn’t have a choice in whether or not he wanted to think more about that because he had hands crawling over his body, making his stomach turn but he grit his teeth and remembered something Brett had told him about how to protect himself when there’s no way out.

He relaxed his eyelids slightly, filtering through his mind and thinking of the things that calm him the most, things that can ground him back down to a sense of stability when his emotions are high. Aleks thinks of the smell of Brett’s protein shakes, the way that Trevor’s vape smoke moves around the office, curling around the room before dissipating into the air. He thinks of how Lindsey and Anna would always greet him with a hug, how Jakob would be running around the office taking quick candids of them all and how Asher was always doodling on any piece of paper he could find. He thought of Joe playing with Ein and Mishka. He thought of James and he clung to that thought and everything that surrounded it. Even if his crew might not be physically coming for him, they were still the people that could help him escape the situation mentally.

So, he let them do what they wanted, their hands moving under his clothes to his skin and he was too tired and beaten down to even fight back. All he could do is pretend it was James gripping his hips, pulling his body closer. All he could do is imagine that he was back home in that dimly lit bedroom, his hands clutching the cherry red sheets that James adored and had bought at least five sets of, instead of the reality of his face being pushed against the cold concrete and the unfamiliar hands wickedly touching his body.

\---

“Jordan, I don’t give a shit about what they fucking said to you. This is Aleks we’re talking about.” James yelled down the phone, his hand curling tighter around it as he grew more frustrated with his former friend. He’s had to have too many conversations with him in the past few days and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so grateful to have left that crew until now. “I know they gave you a fucking address and I should kill you for leaving Eddie with them but if you give me the damn information then I won’t have to do that.”

“James, I'm sorry but it’s out of my hands. We were told not to tell you or anyone else about where they were keeping Eddie.” Jordan’s taut voice replied. “All we can tell you is that the same people with Eddie took Aleks.”

“I swear to God, I’m going to go back to Colorado and fuc-.” James’ threat was cut off by the door being violently thrown open, the doorknob hitting the wall.

“James, James we got it. We have the place.” Asher said breathlessly, one hand on the doorframe to brace his tired body. “Anna hacked into the Hub’s emails. She found the address and-and we have it, James. Aleks is there.”

James hung up immediately, cutting off whatever bullshit excuses Jordan had been giving out and he stood up, following Asher out of the room. Asher quietly warned him that he probably shouldn’t look at the footage, his voice was taut and his face showed a grim expression but that just made James want to see it even more.

They walked into the main room, making their way to Anna’s desk and James knew by the look on everyone else’s faces that they had witnessed whatever it was that they were putting Aleks through. James’ composure broke slightly, apprehension shaking him to the very core but _watching_ it was nothing like _experiencing_ it and when it came to Aleks, James would do anything for him.

“James, I don’t think you should watch this.” Anna’s words were a gentle warning, knowing not to overstep any boundaries and outwardly tell James what to do but she didn’t want him to have to watch the unspeakable things Aleks had endured. James noted the bags under her eyes, a clear sign that she had been skipping out on sleep much like the rest of them.

“Just show me. Play whatever’s happening right now.”

James soon realised his mistake in telling Anna to do this. The grainy black and white video came to life, pixels vibrating against each other on the screen making it clear that this camera was cheap. The angle was canted, a bird's eye view of most of the room and Trevor made a passing remark that it must have been set up by a bunch of idiots. James would have replied, biting out a sharp insult and telling him to ‘shut the fuck up’ but his eyes were glued to the three figures, two of them wearing dark clothes that stood out against the white walls and the other was an almost naked body. So pale that it almost blended into the walls had it not been for the masses of bruises and the blood smeared over the skin.

He watched as Aleks’ body was limp, passive to the rough touches and violent movements of his captors and if James couldn’t see the rapid rise and fall of his chest he would have assumed Aleks was dead. The two figures loomed over his body, like predators taunting their prey before they make the final strike except death would have been more generous than what they were about to do. He watched as they violated him, their movements unforgiving and it made his stomach turn in complete anger and disgust.

Anna watched James carefully, seeing his jaw clench and his hands shake before they turned into fists. His knuckles turned white from how tight he was clenching them and she paused it, shutting off the security feed before James saw anything more. He didn’t ask for her to continue it, didn’t yell or send her a glare and she knew he had had enough.

“I’ve sent you the address already, there’s a bit of a delay on the feed but the place is only half an hour away.” Anna informed him and if it had even been possible, that knowledge made James even more furious.

All this time, Aleks had only been thirty _fucking_ minutes away.

“Brett, Trevor.” James muttered, not needing to raise his voice in the complete silence that surrounded everyone. “Get in the car.”

\---

“See you tomorrow, _Aleksandr_.” A gruff voice said, bringing Aleks back to reality in time to feel a harsh smack on his already bruised backside.

A sense of panic washed over him, his mind instantly going to count the seconds that passed so he knew when they would be back but his attempt to count out a whole day would be futile.

Aleks had no idea what time it was, he knew that he was taken on the 15th but he quickly lost track of time. The thought of that made him feel suffocated. He raised his weak arms up to his neck, scratching at the skin as his breathing quickly became panicked and hot tears stung at his eyes. He didn’t know what day it was and, despite everything he had been through since he was taken, that seemed to be the one thing that shattered any sort of reserve or composure he had left.

He didn’t know anything. Where he was, who had taken him, why they took him or even if he was ever going to be free. The uncertainty was strange to him and he didn’t know how to handle it. He always made sure he was in the loop when it came to business matters. With every heist, he was always there to plan them. Be it from the sense of paranoia of everyone wanting to sabotage him or just the need to be in control of something for once in his life, he was _always_ part of the planning.

“O-okay, okay. Fu-fucking get a grip, Aleks.” He whispered to himself, trying to calm himself down but his words were stuttered and weak. It took him a few minutes of crying and choked sobs before he could think relatively clearly. Aleks decided to make a mental list of the things he did know.As deplorable as it was to repeat, he still did it.

He knew that he was in pain, every part of his body was aching from the different types of torture he had been through. Aleks knew that he was sleep deprived, he knew that he hadn’t had any food since the day before he was taken - except for Sly - and he hasn’t had water since before Sly was alive. That was another thing he knew. He knew Sly was dead and that being dead was a better alternative to whatever else they could have done to him.

He knew all of these things but it didn’t distract him from the fact that he didn’t know if salvation was coming for him. The thought of his crew abandoning him was almost too much to bear. Would they just toss him to the side like the Hub did with Eddie? Would his kidnappers just get an apathetic response from Brett instead of a demand to know where they’ve taken Aleks to? Had his kidnappers even contacted his crew?

Despite trying to calm himself down, it didn’t work. Aleks was notorious within his crews for overthinking. He thought about any and every possible outcome to every situation and it usually helped keep him calm, helped him prepare for any possible situation but what he could do about this. What could he do if he’s locked in a room with no way to escape and no way of knowing if he will ever see daylight again. The only way to leave would be to die but he knows for a fact that his kidnappers were having too much fun with him to even consider that as an option.

In his panic and attack of anxiety he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing, doesn’t even know why he was doing it.

On shaky legs he stands, walks over to where the remains of the shattered plate is and he picks up a shard, the sharpest one he can spot. He brought it to his wrist, placing it there amongst the numerous scars and smears of blood and his whole body is trembling so much that it feels as though this is as steady as he has ever been.

“Go on, do it.” He heard a familiar voice call out from beside him. He looked to his side, seeing James standing right there, right beside him watching as he placed a shard of ceramic onto the vein on his wrist. “Do it, Aleks. Do everyone a favour.”

“W-what?” Aleks stuttered, blinking and shaking his head. This couldn’t be real, this _wasn’t_ real. His grip weakened on the shard, letting it slip through his fingers as he watched James, or whatever he was looking at, roll its eyes. Aleks rubbed his eyes, ignoring the pain that caused on both his hands and bruised eyes and just like that James was gone.

James was gone but his words weren’t. His taunts weren’t and Aleks could still hear them clearly. He looked back down at the piece of ceramic, picking it up with a tighter grip and it cut his palm and his fingers, blood flowing out of the capillaries and probably even a vein. It ran down the shard, down his wrist, before hitting the floor and that was the last thing he wanted to see before he died.

The shard went back to its place on his wrist, almost slipping out of his hand again from the amount of blood but he didn’t want to let James down so he pushed the shard down, about to swipe it from his wrist up to the inner part of his elbow but the door slammed open and he dropped it.

Anger ran through Aleks, he was _so_ close to escaping and they ruined it for him. The anger was fleeting because now he had realised what happened. He had been caught. He had been caught trying to kill himself and if he thought what he went through before was bad he can’t even fathom what they would do to him now they had _caught him trying to escape._

\---

James sped to the address Anna sent him, not even caring that he might have possibly ran someone over on the way here. Brett and Trevor knew well enough to not tell James to slow down or take it easy. After what they all just witnessed, they wanted to get Aleks back just as much as James did. As they approached the location, they saw the abandoned house. Cardboard and wooden panels bolted to the windows and the door was chained up securely.

His tires screeched against the road as he pulled up, narrowly missing a rusty motorcycle tossed onto the sidewalk. James got out the car once turning the engine off and storming up to the entrance, not even bothering to close the car door or look to see if either of the others had followed him up. He took his pistol out, shooting off the lock to the door with two quick shots before he kicked the door down. He held his gun out in front of him, arms straight as he scanned over the hallway and whatever parts of the house he could possibly see from his current position. Once he saw it was clear, he walked in, gun still extended out in front of him and his finger glued to the trigger.

Brett followed him in, motioning for Trevor to keep watch while they go in and get Aleks. They cleared most of the house, checking every room and watching each other’s backs until they got to the last two rooms. James stood in front of one, spotting the smeared blood on the door handle and knowing this was probably the one Aleks was in. Brett nodded over at him and they both broke the doors down in unison, sending a sharp kick to them and instantly having their guard up.

James was hit with a foul stench as soon as he stepped into the room. The smell of rotting flesh, sweat, blood and pretty much every bodily fluid hit him all at once and made his eyes water with how strong it was. As he did a quick scan of the room, he saw Aleks kneeling on the floor, one forearm stretched in front of him while his other hand was pressing something into his wrist. James blinked and Aleks was gone, curled up against the wall with his back to James and stuttered wails left his lips. James walked further in, ignoring what he had just witnessed because Aleks was alive and that was all that mattered to him. He didn’t even look at or think about anything else, just made a beeline straight to the body he knew was Aleks’ but his foot got caught on something and almost sent him onto the floor. Instead, he stumbled, instincts kicking in and he pointed his gun to the floor.

“Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck no.” He whispered. James hadn’t even noticed that there was another body in the room when he was watching the security video. He didn’t even know if it was in the shot but had he seen it, it wouldn’t have prepared him to be face to face with the lifeless body of his old crew mate.

A whimper snapped him out of his thoughts and he set his mind back to the task at hand. There was no point mourning the dead, he couldn’t do anything about it so he simply shook it out of his mind, pushing it back to deal with later. He slowly approached Aleks, heart clenching at how badly his body was shaking and how many contusions coloured his body.

James leaned down and placed a careful hand on his shoulder, trying his best to keep his touch as light as a feather but Aleks still reacted negatively to it. He suddenly turned around and threw himself against the wall, knees tight to his chest and his arms across his face. James swallowed roughly, feeling as though his throat was closing in on itself. He opened his mouth to talk, thinking that maybe his voice would be something to bring Aleks back down from his current state but Aleks cut him off with frantic words, slurred all over themselves.

“Please, please, please no. Please, I didn’t mean it I swear, please.” He sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry.”

“Aleks, Aleks. It’s me, it’s James. I’m not going to hurt you.” James tried to keep his voice steady, tried so hard to keep the desperation out of it but he’d be a liar if he said he succeeded.

“No, no! You’re not real, you’re not real.” He repeated, rubbing his hands on his eyes and digging them in, smearing the blood from his hands all over his face. “No one’s gonna save me, you’re not real.”

“Aleks, baby, I’m here. We’re here. Please just-.” He cut himself off, knowing that Aleks wouldn’t even believe him, let alone hear him over the sounds of his own words that were even louder than before, almost as if they were acting as a way to drown out James’ voice.

James looked over his shoulder, not seeing that Brett came in and he wasn’t sure if it’s because he found something or because he was in trouble but either way that wasn’t his main concern. Brett could handle himself. Aleks, on the other hand, was a whole different story. He holstered his gun, bending down onto his knees and cautiously shuffling towards Aleks. James pulled his hands away from his eyes, wincing when he saw the blood smeared in Aleks’ eyebrows and noticing how it collected in the natural wrinkles of his face. He took note of the bags under his eyes, the new cuts and bruises that littered his face and the marks on his neck, but he was more focused on getting Aleks to open his eyes.

“Open your eyes for me, Aleks. I won’t hurt you, _I promise_.”

Aleks’ body froze, the shaking ceasing to continue and his lips quivered. He fluttered his eyes open, breathing erratic and it took a while before he fully opened them, as if he was scared to face what was in front of him.

“J-James.” Aleks whispered, reaching his hands out to touch James’ face. He had to check, had to make sure this was the real James. Not the James that spat out cruel words when he was passed out or the James that told him to end his own life. “It’s you.”

James didn’t even care that Aleks still had some blood on his hands, didn’t care that the rusty smell was so close to his nose because Aleks was calm and Aleks was _there_ and that’s all that mattered.

“Let’s get you home, okay? We’re gonna take you home.” He smiled, covering Aleks’ hand with his own. Aleks nodded, moving his body to stand up but James stopped him.

James picked him up carefully, hooking an arm under his knees and using the other to support his upper body. He frowned at how easy it was to do this. Aleks was never hard to carry, he had always had a lean build but at this point, James felt as if he was carrying nothing more than a child’s body.

Aleks didn’t even wince despite the pressure on his broken bones and battered body. He just let James carry him out, his hand placed on the other’s chest to feel his heartbeat and his body relaxing against the gentle sway of James’ movements.

“Close your eyes, Aleks.” He said softly, not wanting his words to come out as a demand in case he triggered something in Aleks.

Aleks obeyed though, knowing that he hadn’t seen daylight in what felt like months but was closer to a week at most. He heard Trevor’s voice, a muttered ‘holy shit, dude’, and he could have cried at how happy he was to hear it. He would have cried if he wasn’t so exhausted. He felt himself be placed onto a comfortable seat, the cool feeling of glass on his forehead and he knew he was in a car.

“Trevor, go in and get Brett. We need to go to the motel, now.” James said, not once taking his eyes off of Aleks’ body.

Trevor nodded, walking into the house and poking his head through every room until he found the one Brett was in. He found him in front of numerous amounts of screens, each showing different rooms and in each room, there was a single curled up figure. They were curled up in different areas of the rooms, some in the corners, some simply against any part of the wall, some even in the centre of the room.

“What the _fuck_ is this?” Trevor asked.

“I don’t know. As far as I can tell, Aleks isn’t the only person that these people have taken.” Brett replied. “Come, help me grab any files that look important. I’ve already got everything from their computers on a drive that I’ll give to Anna. These fucks aren’t getting away with this shit.” Trevor nodded, helping Brett look through the drawers for anything that looked as if it would have anything of value in it. Trevor wired up a few extra things, not even having to be asked to do his usual job at this point.

Once they were done, they walked back to the car. James was sitting in the back, Aleks’ trembling body was glued to the door and he looked as if he was ready to pass out for a few days but he was holding himself back. James didn’t push for him to come closer, despite how desperately he wanted to hold Aleks and make sure he was okay. Trevor and Brett got into the car, Brett opting to drive since James was busy and Trevor didn’t know how to.

“We done here?” He asked, reaching a hand back to take the keys from James. He dropped them into his open palm, a sigh leaving his lips.

They were a safe distance away before Trevor detonated the bombs he had placed inside, getting rid of any evidence that they were there and they had taken the majority of their paperwork. James shut his eyes, thinking of how Eddie’s body was there and they hadn’t even done anything to give him a burial or honour his death or do anything. In this business, there was no time for that.

Aleks snapped him out of his thoughts, starting to slowly shift himself to gingerly lay his head on James’ lap. He froze when James’ head snapped towards him, scared that he was overstepping, scared that maybe things couldn’t go back to how they were this easily. James stretched his arm out, resting over Aleks’ and he smiled gently, nodding his head to show him it was alright.

“Motel?”

“Motel.” James agreed.


	2. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to hannah because she wanted a recovery fic and i felt bad so here it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recovery was a shit eminem album, just like how this is a shit fic thanks 4 reading

Brett pulled into the parking lot of the Los Santos safe spot, a decently sized motel off the grid. The FAHC had invested in this place, always needing somewhere to plan heists and rest up without the paranoia that came with this lifestyle. They had trusted people working there and opened the doors to every other crew in LS they had a close affiliation with.

Aleks had his head still in James’ lap, his eyes drooping heavily and snapping open every time they shut. He didn’t want to sleep, just in case this would all be ripped away from him the moment he did and he would be back in that room, surrounded by those white walls and having nothing to fill the silence except his own heavy breathing.

Brett and Trevor got out first, going inside the motel to get them their rooms and make sure everything was fine for James and Aleks to follow. They smiled at the woman at the reception, both of them feeling guilty that they couldn’t remember her name but there were more important things to take care of. They got four rooms, assuming that Aleks would not want to share one with any of them after what he had been through.

“Go on up. I’ll go give James the keys.” Trevor said, knowing Brett had been almost as worried as James over Aleks’ kidnapping. Brett just nodded, turning around and entering the elevator.

When Trevor got back to the car, Aleks was crying. He had moved from James’ lap to press himself against his side of the car. Trevor could see him shaking from a foot away and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see Aleks in such a vulnerable state. He walked to James’ side of the car, tapping gently on the window and holding up the keys once James looked at him. James opened the door, standing up and getting out of the car.

“Are you sure you should leave him? He doesn’t look okay.” Trevor said, warily.

“He thinks we aren’t actually real - thinks he’s dreaming.” James rubbed a hand over his face, slyly getting rid of the tears that collected in the corner of his eyes when Aleks had bolted up from his lap, scrambling to get as far away from him as possible. He almost broke down in tears seeing Aleks scratch at his wrist, his mind replaying the moment he saw Aleks on the floor, the sharp tool clenched in his hands and pressed against his-.

“Hey, dude.” Trevor snapped his fingers in front of James’ face, trying to pull him out of his thoughts. James shook his head, as if ridding himself of his thoughts before he looked back to Trevor. “Here’s the keys, we got you separate rooms. If I stay, he might not calm down.”

James nodded slowly, taking the keys and pocketing them before he turned back to the car. He heard Trevor walk away, back to the motel, but his focus was only on the shaking man in his car. He had stopped scratching his wrist. Instead, he switched between rubbing it vigorously and stroking his thumb over the vein. James opened the door, thankful that it hadn’t set Aleks off again, and got back in. He looked at Aleks, silence filling the car for a few moments.

“Aleks, nod if you can hear me.” He spoke softly, trying to coax Aleks into a safer mindset. It took a second, but Aleks nodded. A slow movement that was so minuscule James almost missed it. “Thank you, is it okay if we go into the motel? I’ll be there, no one’s going to hurt you.”

He added the last part on, seeing how Aleks tensed at the mention of a motel. Aleks’ eyes flickered to James, scanning over his face before he reached out, much like when James had tried to get him out of the torture room. He placed his hand on James’ cheek, barely even touching him as he hovered the hand over the soft skin. James turned his head, kissing the palm of his hand twice. When James had turned back, Aleks nodded in reply to his previous question.

“Okay.” James weakly smiled at him, kissing his palm once more before he pulled away and exited the car. He rushed to Aleks’ side, carefully opening the door and helping Aleks out.

Aleks got out mostly on his own, having regained some strength and using the car as leverage. He rested his body weight on the car, breathing heavily and screwing his eyes shut in pain. James watched, not knowing what he could do to help since he still had no clue where Aleks was injured or where was safe to touch.

He settled for placing a hand on his waist, hooking one of Aleks’ arms around his neck and thanking his lucky stars that Aleks didn’t wince or show any sign that he was in pain. James shut the door, locking the car and grabbing the bag he always kept in his car before they hobbled into the motel. The lobby was empty save for the receptionist who didn’t even give them a second glance, having seen these sorts of things countless times before.

James got to one of their rooms, having to support all of Aleks’ weight against his body from how much he was leaning on him. He opened the door, escorting Aleks in and shutting the door behind him. He guided Aleks to the bed, settling him on the edge before he bent down to eye level with him.

“Do you want to clean up before you sleep? Take a shower and change clothes, does that sound good?” Aleks shook his head immediately, panic once against rising up from his stomach and wrapping around his throat. He made a choked sound, tears escaping his eyes at the thought of James seeing what had happened to him. He knew how gross he was, covered in blood and sweat and other disgusting fluids, some of them not even his, but he couldn’t let James see.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to.” James shushed him, eyes softening and his hands moving to Aleks’ to raise them up to his face. “I’m not going to force you, you’re okay. Do you want to get changed, at least? I’ll turn around.”

Aleks nodded at this, he could handle getting changed. Even if it hurt like hell to move that much it was better than being in what he was currently wearing. James took out some clothes from the bag, handing Aleks a t-shirt and boxers.

“This good?” James asked.

Aleks nodded once more, shakily smiling at him. James smiled back, forgetting that he was meant to be turning around but Aleks hit him with the t-shirt, looking at him expectantly. James turned, flustered. He heard Aleks’ quiet laugh and could have cried because, _God_ , he had missed that sound so much and he wasn’t expecting to hear it so soon after finding him. James felt a welcomed feeling of hope at the sound of his laughter. It meant that he wasn’t completely ruined by what happened, it showed James that Aleks was still the same Aleks from before and he silently promised himself that he would do anything he can to keep it that way.

He turned back when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked down slightly, taking a step back when he realised how close he was to Aleks but he was quickly at his side to hold him up.

He walked him back to the bed, pushing back the covers for him and helping him lay down. Aleks quickly bundled himself up, the white comforter and soft mattress underneath him. He almost moaned at how good it felt to not be laying on a concrete floor and to be wearing clothes not stiff from dried blood. He looked up at James, eyes peeking from the sheets and he smiled despite James not being able to see his mouth. James knew he was smiling though, knew from the way his eyes crinkled at the edges and the way his eyes lit up ever so slightly, not as much as they used to, but that light was still there.

Regretfully, James got up from the bed, making his way to the door so he could settle himself in his own room.

“Where are you going?” Aleks asked, his voice cracking and he felt his cheeks warm up.

“I was… I was going to my room.” James replied, not looking at Aleks and instead focusing on the way the lamp flickered. “I didn’t think you would be okay with me here.”

“I-I’m not broken, James. I’m not weak.” Aleks’ voice told a different story. It wobbled, a whimper escaping his throat and he bit his lip, holding back tears at the thought that anyone would think he was ruined, _tainted_ , from what he went through. James snapped his eyes to Aleks, looking at the way his dark brown eyes filled with tears and his hands dug into the crisp, white sheets that seemed to drown his small body.

“I know you aren’t, baby. No one thinks you are.” James sat back down on the edge of the bed, not knowing where his boundaries were with Aleks anymore.

Aleks reached a hesitant hand out, grasping James’ sleeve and tugging on it. James understood his silent gesture, nodding his head and standing up to turn the light off. He shuffled through the bag once more, taking out a small packet of peanuts. Jakob had messaged him one night, yelling about the countless vitamins peanuts had and how good they were for you. James remembers telling him to shut the fuck up and stop texting him but before leaving to get Aleks he grabbed one of the many packs Jakob kept around the warehouse, ignoring the smug smile Jakob sent his way.

He took in a breath, walking back to the bed before he toed his shoes off and lay down. He kept himself on top of the sheets, giving Aleks at least that as a barrier between their bodies.

“Here, eat some of these.” James handed the packet over, watching as an unfamiliar emotion flashed through Aleks’ eyes.

“I-I don’t think I can.” Aleks replied meekly. He was in enough pain, didn’t need the added discomfort of his stomach being filled after having not eaten for so long. At least, having not eaten any proper food for so long. He shut his eyes tightly at the memory of Eddie.

“Please, Aleks. Just a few, okay?” James almost begged and Aleks’ eyes widened in surprise. James _begging_ was a rarity, in fact, Aleks was sure he had never heard James beg in all their years of knowing each other. Still shocked, he nodded dumbly, reaching out for the packet and weakly tearing it open.

James relaxed next to him as Aleks started eating the peanuts, placing one in his mouth and chewing slowly before swallowing.

Aleks shifted, shutting his eyes tightly as he contemplated moving closer. He did it anyway, knowing that this was James, no one else, and James wouldn’t hurt him. He lay his head on James’ chest, hearing the way his heart sped up and it relaxed him almost to the point of sleeping.

“Thank you, James.” He whispered, munching another peanut and ignoring the sting of pain coming from his stomach.

“For what?” James muttered back, voice thick with sleep.

“For not forgetting about me.”

\---

It had been almost three weeks since Aleks was taken, almost two weeks since he had been saved, and he was getting fed up with the way his crew was treating him. At first, he was thankful. Thankful that his crew didn’t include him in their usual rough-housing and thankful that the harmless insults weren’t directed towards him because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to deal with it. He wasn’t weak, he just needed some time to get back into a normal life that wasn’t plagued with the fear of being belittled and beaten.That wasn’t _weak_ , right?

What really ticked Aleks off was when he walked into the warehouse, seeing Anna get geared up for a mission. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she could successfully carry out missions, she had proven on multiple occasions that she was capable of that and much more, he was just mad that he hadn’t even been informed that there _was_ a mission to go on.

It was one thing to be left out of the playful headlocks and friendly jabs at how he looked like a douche with blond hair, that was fine. What wasn’t fine was being left out of his own fucking job. Being left out of missions meant that his entire job with Fake Chop was pointless and he was just sitting idly while his whole crew went on with their lives. He wanted that normalcy back, didn’t want to be looked at as if he was a delicate piece of china that would shatter if you looked at it wrong.

Aleks looked away from where Anna was loading a gun, moving his gaze to glare at the general direction of Brett’s office. Brett usually set up the missions, including everyone in the briefing process and he usually had a big say in who gets to go on what mission.

“What the fuck, Brett?” He said, bursting through to the sacred office none of them were allowed to enter. Brett looked up from his computer monitor, one hand typing something out while the other held a phone to his ear.

“Listen, I’ll call you back.” He hung up, rubbing a hand over his face before looking at Aleks expectantly. “What do you want, Aleks?”

“Why are you sending Anna on a mission?” Aleks demanded.

“The mission needs someone agile. Someone who can get in and out quickly and can rappel,” Brett went back to typing, not even giving Aleks a second glance. “She can do all of that, none of the other’s can.”

“Uh, yeah, hello? I’m standing right here?” Aleks motioned to himself with a bandaged hand. “Why can’t you send me?”

Brett gave him a deadpan look, raising one eyebrow and not even needing to point out the fact that his ribs had barely healed from being broken and he still wasn’t recovered mentally from what happened to him. Aleks clenched his fists, taking a step closer to where Brett was sitting.

“What, Brett? Too much of a pussy to tell me why?” He pushed, trying to get some kind of reaction.

Brett stood up and moved around his desk. He took three steps towards Aleks, standing in front of him and Aleks did his best not to flinch back but he still wasn’t comfortable being this close to anyone other than James. His body recoiled back, arms moving up to protect himself from the hit he was expecting to come. He felt his face flush, embarrassed by how pathetic he must have seemed to react so dramatically. Aleks lowered his arms, eyes trained on the floor and he flinched once more as Brett’s arms moved to cross over his chest.

“That’s why.” Brett took a step back, letting Aleks relax his body slightly. He was still tense, his shoulders drawn up tight and his arms moved to wrap around his stomach, pressing into his ribs painfully but it would protect his stomach if he were to get hit. Brett looked at him with sympathy. “It was James’ idea anyway. I wanted to send you but he talked me out of it. so if you’re going to bother anyone about it, go to him.”

Aleks frowned at that, feeling more betrayed than he did when he first entered the office. James had actively made the decision to leave Aleks out of this mission. Since he had gotten back, they had countless amounts of talks about how Aleks wasn’t weak, how he wasn’t any different from before he was taken. Yet, there he was constantly being treated differently by his own friends, his own _lover_ \- if he could even call James that at this point.

The blond stormed out of the office, grabbing his jacket on his way out to his car. He threw the door open, slamming it shut and driving out of the parking lot. James hadn’t come to the warehouse today, he’d barely gone in at all in the past two weeks with the excuse that he was ‘working from home’. It wasn’t a lie, he made calls to their clients and dealers from home, he just did it less so than he probably should’ve been.

Aleks’s tires squealed as he made it to James’ place, parking outside and storming out his car, up the driveway, and to his front door. His hands were shaking with anger as he got his key out, trying to get it into the lock so he could open the door and yell at James. His hand twitched, the key falling out of his grasp onto his floor. Aleks could have screamed out in frustration but he settled on biting his lip, knowing this would hurt, and he bent down to pick up the key. He could feel his bones grinding against each other, his broken ribs not having healed at all and maybe he was overreacting that he didn’t get picked for the mission since he couldn’t even bend down but he was in too deep to stop now.

He picked up the key and slowly straightened back up, sighing with relief when he didn’t feel any overwhelming pain. He steadied himself and tried again, this time successfully unlocking the door and throwing it open. The doorknob hit the wall, probably denting it but Aleks couldn’t give a shit if he tried.

Aleks didn’t shut the door, moving through the house with quick strides to find James as fast as possible. He walked through the living room, sidestepping around Ein and ignoring her excited barks as he scanned the room for James. He walked to the kitchen when he couldn’t find him, seeing the leftovers of a person living their life. The carton of milk left out from where James made his coffee, the plate with bread crumbs from his breakfast. Aleks shut his eyes at the domesticity of it all, wishing that life was normal and he was just a normal guy, waiting for his boyfriend to come home from work so they could watch a film and fall asleep on the couch together.

“What are you doing home?” Aleks jumped, the familiar voice scaring him out of his thoughts. He turned around, slightly dazed, but one look at James’ face made all the anger come flooding back. They were standing a few steps apart, which made this a lot easier for Aleks, he wasn’t scared so long as there was some distance between him and anyone else.

“Fuck you.” Aleks spat. “Who the _fuck_ do you think you are telling Brett what I can and can’t do?”

“What are you t-,” James started before a look of realization passed over his face. He raised a hand, holding a towel, up to his hair and that’s when Aleks noticed that it was wet, as if he just got out of the shower. “Oh. You’re talking about the mission?”

“Yeah, the mission that you won’t let me go on.” Aleks pointed an accusatory finger at James.

“Aleks, you’re not recovered. Your ribs are fucking _broken_ , you flinch anytime someone comes near you, you’ve barely slept and when you do sleep you wake up fucking screaming bloody murder,” James listed off the reasons, each one serving as a punch to Aleks’ gut. “So excuse me for not wanting to send you on a fucking mission where you’ll need to be somewhat fucking stable, both physically and mentally.”

“Excuse me? I’m mentally unstable?” Aleks almost laughed. It was a nervous laugh, covering up that he knew he wasn’t in the right mindset to go on a dangerous mission.

“You said it, not me.” James shrugged. He took a seat at the counter, throwing the towel to the side. Aleks normally would have let himself admire the way James’ hair looked when it wasn’t in a bun. He always preferred when he had it down, thick, dark brown locks falling just past his shoulders. He had no time for that now though, couldn’t even look at James in an adoring way after what he just insinuated.

“I’m fine, James. I can go on the fucking mission, fuck you for thinking otherwise.” Aleks spat.

“You can’t go on the mission, Aleks! You can barely go anywhere because you’re so fucked up from what happened.” James yelled, slamming his hands on the surface in front of him. Aleks flinched, his blood freezing in his veins as he kept his eyes glued to James, terrified that he was going to hurt him. “You need to look at things rationally and stop acting like nothing happened to you. Get your head out of the clouds and realise you’re too _weak_ to do anything useful and that’s just the fucking truth.”

At those words, Aleks’ fear was gone, replaced with complete defeat. He swallowed, that action alone being a task in itself. His throat was feeling too tight and his saliva feeling too thick and he couldn’t even look at James anymore.

“Okay.” Aleks said, his tone dejected. He cleared his throat, trying to sound as if he wasn’t on the verge of tears. He forced himself into not crying, he might already be weak in James’ eyes but if he cried then he’d lose any respect he had left for himself.  “I need to go.”

Aleks stumbled out of the house, shaking just like he had been when he entered it except this was for a completely different reason. He was deaf to James’ calls of his name, deaf to Ein’s continuous barks. All he could hear was the blood rushing through his head and the repeated sound of James telling him he was weak, unstable, fucked up.

He walked past his car, knowing that within minutes his eyes would be too clouded to even see the floor beneath his feet let alone the pedestrians and other drivers on the road. Aleks wasn’t sure where he was going. He knew the streets of Los Santos pretty well, but, his mind was too clouded to be focusing on where to go and he just let his feet subconsciously walk around.

He kept his head down, arms crossed over his abdomen and he bumped into countless amounts of people, each one sending shockwaves of pain through his body and he bit back a wince each time.

Maybe James was right. Maybe he _was_ weak. Aleks could shake off injuries, he was renowned for being able to get shot and just walk it off, barely giving the wound a second glance. This time was worse. It wasn’t just the physical injuries, he had gotten broken ribs before. He had endured the pain that came from stab wounds and swipes from a knife close to a million times and yet, he couldn’t recover from these.

He couldn’t even look at his wounds without being taken back to that white room, the smell of decay and vomit and God knows what else and the feeling of complete despondency overtaking his body. He got Anna to change his bandages, didn’t even trust James to do so because he didn’t want James to see just how bad it was. Turns out, James didn’t even need to see it to know that he was broken, utterly destroyed by what happened.

Someone collided with his shoulder, almost sending him to the floor from the force of the impact but two hands gripped his waist to steady him. His body shook, the familiarity of those hands making his skin crawl and he was so sure he was overreacting but as he looked up he knew why they felt familiar.

“Well, this is a nice surprise.” That voice said, the one that haunted him in his sleep.

Aleks felt bile rise up in his throat. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t slap the hands away from his waist or even close his eyes so he wasn’t face to face with one of the men who tortured him for days on end.

“What a shame, the bruises are healing up,” He tutted before he leaned forward, brushing his lips against Aleks’ ear. “I wonder how the rest of you looks though. We really did a number on you, especially your ass. Didn’t we, Aleksandr?” As his words slipped past his lips, his hand inched under Aleks’ shirt, his pinky and ring finger making contact with his soft skin.

Aleks recoiled at that, pushing himself away but it didn’t help him. His back hit the wall of an apartment building and he didn’t have time to dart out of the way before two hands were at either side of his head, trapping him between the concrete and the warm body in front of him.

He looked around at his surroundings, hoping that there would be at least some other people around so that this didn’t have a chance of escalating but he was out of luck. The small street was empty, not even a main road being anywhere near them and Aleks knew he was probably fucked, in every sense of the word.

“Did you miss us?” He dipped his head down, lips running against Aleks’ neck. “It’s a shame it’s just me here. We’ve been talking about you since you got away from us.”

“W-why are you h-here?” Aleks choked out, holding back a sob and doing his best to keep himself together. He steeled himself, knowing he had to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

“Well, we came to talk to our buddy Brett. I wonder if he’s told you about our little deal.” He replied, licking a line from the base of Aleks’ neck to his jaw and Aleks didn’t have time to question what he meant because he was focused on holding back his oncoming panic attack. “But being around you is a much better way to spend my time.”

The hand on his hip went further up, hitching Aleks’ shirt up and running across the tender spots on his ribs. He pressed down, right against Aleks’ ribs and practically groaned at the pained whimper that left Aleks’ lips. He pressed harder, wiggling his fingers and laughing when Aleks sobbed.

“God, I missed hearing you cry.” He moaned out, pushing his hips forward to rut against Aleks.

That snapped Aleks out of his pain. He had to stop this. There was no _way_ he was going to go through this again.

Aleks couldn’t move his legs, his whole body being pressed against the wall tightly left him with barely any room to breathe, let alone move. He knew the only way out was to get his guard down, make him think Aleks was going to let him do whatever he wanted. So that’s what Aleks did.

He leaned into the touches, moved his hips closer and kept down the bile threatening to rise up his throat. He let out a faked moan of pleasure, grinding his teeth together. In response to this, the man moaned, a genuine one, as he removed the hand from his ribs. He trailed it down to the waistband of Aleks’ tracksuit, his fingers threatening to dip into them. Aleks leaned his head back, giving the man more space to leave marks. He chuckled in response, sending a shiver of disgust down Aleks’ spine.

“What? Is James not cutting it for you anymore?” He asked smugly, pausing to leave a mark on Aleks’ neck. When he detached himself, his lips were back to Aleks’ ear. “I could tell you liked it rough when we first had some fun with you.”

Once he said this, he pulled away slightly. Aleks didn’t waste a second, he simply brought his knee up to slam in between the man’s legs, a smirk of triumph forming on his face at the pained yell he let out. He curled up, hands cupping his crotch and a glare on his face as he looked up. Aleks kicked him once more, aiming for his stomach and knocking him over before he spat on him. Aleks wanted to do so much to him. Wanted to use anything in his reach to hurt him even worse than they had done to him. It would have been too kind to kill him, too merciful of Aleks to just stop his life right there in the alley. They showed him no mercy when he was begging for them to kill him so he wouldn’t do the same. They would get what they deserve and they’ll deserve just that.

“Stay the fuck away from my crew.” He said, kicking him one last time before he darted out into the main street.

He knew where he was, thankful for all those nights he spent walking around the city when he first moved here. Aleks didn’t slow down as he made his way to his apartment, chest heaving and ribs aching from the exertion and previous encounter but he would rather be in pain than take a chance at getting followed home.

He entered his apartment, shutting the door behind him and making sure to lock it before he pressed his back against it, sliding down to the floor.

Now that he was safe, the weight of what happened crashed onto him. Having to relive his torture every time he closed his eyes for more than two seconds was bad enough. Having to be face to face with the person who did that to him, having to let him touch his body and hear the sickening words spill from his lips like poison was too much to bear. He felt sick that he had to play along with it, had to lean into the touches and pretend to enjoy it.

Aleks was crying, tears spilling down his cold cheeks and he was too hot and too cold at the same time. His good hand moved to scratch at the bandaged one, tearing through it and getting to the stitches that had almost healed. A few tears fell onto the wounds, stinging the tender skin but he didn’t mind. He scratched the bandage off completely, fingers moving to focus on his wrist. The harsh marks he had left behind himself had healed completely, his milky white skin showing clearly and he hated it. Aleks frantically dug his nails into his wrist, creating crescent shaped marks and angry red lines just like the day James had come in and saved him.

This was the first time he had let himself truly break down. He had kept it in since they got back, adamant that he could just forget about it and move on. He didn’t want to deal with what happened to him, didn’t even know how he could deal with it. Talking to James would be too hard on both of them, he didn’t want to relay the events of his kidnapping and he knew James would just get angry from hearing it.

His thoughts were stopped by a loud banging on his door, completely freezing his whole body. His gasps for air were silenced, replaced by him holding his breath, and now his lungs burned from the lack of oxygen.

The bangs got harder, more insistent, and Aleks scrambled to crawl away from the door. He got to the wall, curled up near the doorframe that led to the living room. Faintly, he heard Mishka barking, could see through his tears that she had taken a protective stance in front of him and that just made him cry even harder. He couldn’t even protect himself, had to rely on his dog to ward off anyone trying to hurt him.

“Aleks! Are you in there?” James yelled, his voice mixing with the barks and Aleks could barely understand what he was saying. “Aleks, I'm coming in. Shit.”

Aleks heard a key enter the door and despite hearing _James’_ voice and knowing that it was _James_ coming in, he still brought his arms up to cover his face.

He heard the door open, heard Mishka’s barks stop when she recognised the familiar face and her attention was turned to her cowering owner. She pawed at his leg, nosing through his hands to get them away from his face and he let her, trusting her completely that the person coming in meant no harm. Aleks still kept his head down, tears escaping his eyes and his breathing uneven.

“Good girl.” James cooed softly, stroking her head once she pulled away from Aleks. She leaned into the touch before licking his wrist and turning back to Aleks, ducking down to get into his line of sight. He moved one of his hands, very shakily, to scratch behind her ear and he had never been more thankful to have a pet like her.

“Aleks, I'm so sorry.” James began. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Aleks opened his mouth, tried to speak but all that came out was a sob. Mishka moved out of the way, allowing Aleks to push forward and cling to James. James wrapped his arms tenderly around Aleks’ body, being careful around his ribs. He shushed Aleks, one hand moving up to gently stroke through his hair, taking note that the roots had grown in quite a lot and he realised that he could barely remember what Aleks looked like with brown hair anymore.

“H-he was there. I wa-was walking and-and he was there.” Aleks tried to get out, not even sure if James could understand him through his sobs and gasps for air. James understood completely, he could tell by the way James’ arms tightened around him slightly but not enough to cause pain.

“That _fucker._ Did he hurt you?” James asked, fearing the answer. He felt the small nod against his shoulder and immediately was overtaken with anger. “What did he do?” He said through gritted teeth, trying to keep his tone calm but the thought of anyone laying another finger on Aleks sent him into a blind rage.

“Please don’t, don’t make me say what happened. Please, James. Please.” He repeated the last word, arms pulling him closer to James’ body. He tried to replace the feeling of that man’s body against his with James’. Aleks forced himself to take note of all the differences, take note of why everyone else pales in comparison to James.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe now. I'm here, I’ve got you.” James whispered, trying to calm Aleks down. “I didn’t mean what I said. You aren’t weak. God, I don’t even know why I said it but I swear I didn’t mean it.”

Aleks sniffled, still not believing what James was saying because if he could see himself right now, he would not describe himself as strong. There was a few moments of silence between them, Aleks trying to steady his breathing while James was contemplating if he was ready to say his next words.

“I…” He hesitated, shutting his eyes and turning to kiss Aleks’ temple. “I love you.”

Any attempt to get his breathing normal was futile at this point. Aleks was too shocked to reply immediately, thinking that he would never hear those words from James let alone hearing them after James knew what those men had done to him.

“I know I don’t show it sometimes, but it’s true. Aleks, I love you so much. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, I promise.” James continued, hurt slightly by Aleks’ silence but he felt a weight leave his shoulders once he heard his voice say those three words back.

“I love you.” Aleks’ voice was weak, scratchy from his cries but James heard it clearly. “I love you, I trust you.”

James pulled away from their embrace, moving a hand to Aleks’ jaw and ignored the new marks that littered his neck. He placed a kiss on Aleks’ cheek, leaving his lips there for a few seconds before moving closer to his mouth. James didn’t connect their lips, knew that even though Aleks trusted him, he wasn’t ready for that. He simply kissed the edge of his mouth, pulling back to see Aleks smiling up at him and with that, he knew they would be alright in the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments and all that good stuff, thanks lads!!! hope u liked it !!!!!

**Author's Note:**

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